New Art work

i have gotten back into the mood to paint. i finally found my paintbrushes. i had already replaced them when i found them in the back of a cupboard. i then returned the ones i had just bought cause my old ones are like old friends. i love them. neways.... this was a christmas present. i hadn't given it a name yet, but as of this moment it shall be called.......Woman in motion... i think

Christmas Time

two days post Christmas and here are my reflections:
1. though it was different from my expectations, Christmas was exactly they way i needed it. it was relaxing......
i spent it with my friend who found herself in hospital. i also had dinner with Neevs and Janine. it was great food and chill time.

2. my year has been quite hectic and i am absolutely drained. i need to recharge before next year. cause that is looking like it will be a very busy one as well.

3. i feel like boxing day was the first day of my holiday, though i have been on holiday for 3 weeks (all of which i have been working). i was able to sleep allllll day. i only got up to talk to my fam in the morning, then for lunch and then for dinner. i slept in between those times. it was great...

4. my future is a bit uncertain, i'm having bits of difficulty dealing with this transition. i just pray for the Lords favour during this time. i am feeling unsure about medicine. i'm not sure where i'm heading after this. where i want to live, where i will end up and whether i am willing to do the work to get there. ahhhh we will see. all i know is that i have 2 years more here so far.

5. i think that is it so far.... i'm gonna give my honey bun, JT my full attention. i just got his DVD. ... oh that's another thing. i would really love a man in my life this next year.... i'm not seeing him yet, but i'm gonna ask God for him. i just may get him this next year.... oooooo

Pang of Disappointment

its been a really crazy day for me. like sailing on the calm seas and then all of a sudden we hit a storm and the waves begin to crash over me. i was then drowning in a sea of disappointment, weariness, frustration and sadness.

in the morning i had a casting, which was quick and easy. very simple. it always amazes me how a casting can really only take 2-5 min, but the process of getting there is usually way more than an hour. i was then rushing to get to work and rushing to try an finish the lodging of a publication before i had to go to Lab christmas lunch, which was yum cha. that was a bright spark in my day. i ate so much food and everyone was so relaxed. they are all lovely people and i don't get annoyed at my boss when we do lunch. she is a nice lady, when you get her out of the office and me, not in a pissy mood.

then something happened today that just made me a little disappointed in life in general. a friend of mine, who i, at one time liked but who, because i never got the same vibe from them, became just my friend, is now interested in another friend of mine. and though i am happy for them, it just brought home the fact that i am not getting any action my way at all. not to mention that it is slow, slow going with a person of interest, who i cannot read at all to tell whether they like me or not. not many options for me in that respect and it was just a sad, sad, frustration party.

neways, i got over that, but now i'm just worn out from my bout of depression. not to mention i have to go to work tomorrow and i am just longing for a true holiday. not much longer to go when im still in this job, so i'll just hang in there...

Cam's BBBQ

so this weekend i went to Cameron's house for a wonderful BBQ. i finally got to meet some of the people that i have heard so much about over the 5 years that i have known him. his brother Shaun, was cool and interesting, tall and not bad looking at all. and you all know that that is high praise from one such as myself. his other friends were all interesting people and i could see why they and Cam got along. it was very cool to meet his friend Dale, who is just a great and interesting thinker and writer. she was heaps of fun to be around. the day was filled with tasting of vegan cheesecake, chatting and listening to Cammy play the piano. which he does very well. i was also persuaded to sing songs while Cammy played. Hao and Dale waltzed and Cam's parents showed us a thing or two on the dance floor as admiration flowed from our audience of 3. it was really a nice afternoon into evening. there were other med friends there as well, so it was also great to catch up with them (Eric, Hao, Laura and Cath)

one of the highlights was Cam's jump into the freezing swimming pool (wearing his lab coat), symbolic of the end of Medical School. we all cheered him on while he downed a shot and made the leap. it was the stuff movies are made of. so here is my amateur video. Cam does look quite fetching with his hair slicked back and wet.



neways, the rest of the weekend was great, i went and saw Handel's Messiah at the magnificent Town Hall. it was beautiful and moving. Hao and Amelia than came with me to Church's christmas spectacular. it was all in all a busy, yet relaxing weekend.

Salsa

here is the video, not great quality i'm afraid, of Amelia and Eric dancing.

Christmas Paaaaartaaaaay

this weekend has been a good one. i am done school so that is just like a weight if off my shoulders. i am having trouble just letting go and resting though. i am still so keyed up. even though i am well tired mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically. neways on saturday i baked Jamaican christmas cake. which was soooooo cool. it was my moms recipe and just has taken me back home you know? not to mention everyone else loved it as well. i also went to church, hung out with Neva and her friend Sara, and saw Bewolf in 3D. it was ok, i give it a 5/10. the 3D was very cool.

so today we had our our house christmas party and it was a raging success. i was a bit disappointed that one particular person didn't make an appearance, and didn't call to say they couldn't make it, but hey such is life. their loss. apart from that it was a brilliant afternoon into night BBQ. i was so glad that my friend John turned up. it was cool for him to meet the people that he has heard so much about. not to mention he is always a good person to have around. my friends Jan, Eric and Anna came as well, which was soooo cool. cause i haven't seen them in ages and i miss them. Eric was a hit as he is a great salsa dancer and Amelia, my flatmate dances as well. so those two had a great time dancing. we are now gonna have dancing lessons at our house, to make use of Amelia's skill. very cool. i met some really great people, cool friends of my flatmates and one of the highlights was the visit from cute boy from across the street, Fletcher. very nice looking bloke, and i had a good time flirting with him. lovely. i think we, as a house, will see more of him. i think we will be doing Margareta Sundays....lol. it was all a good time of just chilling, eating lots and chatting away. i'm tired now, so i'm gonna go to sleep. there is so much more that could be said but hey, that will have to wait for another day.

oh and have a look at our christmas tree, isn't it cool?

mmmm, apprehensive

i am not sure what is up with me today. i am just slightly apprehensive about what is next to come. ok the doctor thing goes without saying, but i have other things on my mind. there is so much i need to do and even though i do them, they don't seem to move me along any further. i need money but as of Jan i have no Job. after 4 years of working in the same place i am wondering if i shouldn't just hang in there for 3 more months instead of trying to find another job. however i honestly don't think i can handle my present job for those 3 extra months. so i'm apprehensive about a new job, a new temp job. it's like i don't even know where to start with that. there are other stuff on my mind, but i won't even bother to vent about those. i'm simply gonna go pray, cause lord knows that is the only way.......

Just call me Dr. Sterling

so today i had my final exam of my medical school career. it has been three days of exams. the first was written and then the final 2 days, clinical. the results are in and i passed everything. which is a weight off my shoulder. i cried. mainly cause it has been such a long hard road and i am so, so glad that it is over. i still have a presentation to do and Print to finish at the beginning of next year but, i am finished with exams. i start working at the end of march and earning some mula. the next step and chapter of my life is about to begin. this goal has been accomplished. i think i will bask in this for a bit, rejoice and be thankful and then see what is next. who knows maybe the lord will have a nice hubby for me as my next goal....lol... but first i think i will need to settle into this next stage. ah well, right now, i am relieved and happy... but still have some work to do for next week.... no rest of the weary i guess.....

Pics from Cam's B-day party

Cam Had a harry potter themed party this past Saturday. it was cool. good food, beautiful b-day cake and great costumes. Cam made her whole costume, she went as Professor Snape. she looked great. here are just a few shots... (pics are of Sharon, Shaz's mom, Rose and Cam; Shaz and me)

Saturday

now is probably not the best time for me to write a post, cause i'm tired, hungry and annoyed. i went to prepare a gift for my friend's 30th B-day, and would you know that i wasted pretty much 30-40 min in K-mart and left with nothing. i went to print some of my photo's to frame for her. the first machine wouldn't read my USB, so i thought i would try another. some one was on it, so hey i wait in line. well she was printing and editing 114 photos, and then another lady went on another machine and was doing like 400 photos. so i waited and waited. chatted to the woman behind me and waited some more. and would you know that once i got on the other machine, it didn't read the usb either. i tell you man, i doa have time for this shit, my study break that was to be no more than 15 min or so, stretched to almost an hour. so now i am annoyed. i'm just gonna eat and hopefully get back in the study frame of mind.

neways... just a quick note about last week, it was a great weekend. my flatmates and i held an impromptu BBQ on suday afternoon. we had great, great food and really good time chilling with a few friends. stayed chatting and drinking mohittos till into the night. oh Janine and I were wearing our new dresses that we bought on the saturday at the markets, after we refreshed ourselves with manicures and pedicures.

Neways, i gone eat. later

Peeved

what is it that makes someone think that i can be at their beck and call? what makes them so inconsiderate to the needs of others? my boss has been royally pissing me off for a while now, and i take it as a sign that it is probably time to leave. after 4 years i think the time has come. today i was well prepared to go into work, i emailed her in the morning and told her i was coming in. she emailed back saying she doesn't have time today and there is nothing for me to do, so don't come in. that was cool with me. i went home , then went to the gym and on leaving the gym, got a missed call from her. so i returned it, it was her asking me if i was coming in because there are images that she has just gotten that she wants plated. i was like, it is 6 o'clock!!! she was like, yea but i thought you were available.... i was like i was available at 3, i told you this and was well prepared to come in but u told me not to come. she said, yea i know but blah blah blah. then she asked where i was... i just simply told her that i am in the city on my way to study and that i can't come in. seriously what does she think, that because i said i was available, i don't have other things to do? that i should leave my schedule open just in case some late work comes in? that i should go in after 6 pm, ruin my plans to study and do other things? i find that just plain stupid, she has absolutely no respect for my time whatsoever. there are times we make plans to work, i go in and she calls hours later saying, well i guess i figured out that i'm not coming in. what is that? or the times when she fully expects me to stop doing other things in my life so that i can work till 9 pm if she wants. i know this is a small thing, but it just really peeved me off. sometimes, most times, she is unbelievable and only takes into account her needs and time, or things that impact her directly, never what anyone else is doing or sacrificing to make her research go forward. i'm done. as of January, i'm not working there anymore...

The Rest

so i started with a post yesterday, but didn't finish my thoughts about the rest of the week. it was a week packed full of lectures. yesterday, Friday November 2nd,2007, i attended my final lecture of my medical school career. that in itself is an exciting idea. i still have an exam in the last week in November, but i am crossing things off my list one by one. i also submitted my work visa application and did some other things that needed to be done. so i feel like i have made progress. this week i also took some new head shots, for the new season of commercials and acting gigs that comes with summer. they came out pretty well, so lets pray that i get some really good jobs from them. so that was the week so far. pretty ok......

Good to Bad

mmmmm, so today wasn't a bad day until i got into a discussion that began as a simple question and escalated to a discussion, a debate and almost an argument. the other party put a stop to it, mainly cause they thought they couldn't win and they were getting annoyed and upset with me, but it was definitely that both of us wasn't listening to each other. it left a bad taste and feeling. they felt they were arguing and i felt that it was getting heated but not arguing yet. i started to feel bad cause i knew that they were feeling upset and i realized something about myself again. i hate arguments and discussions. this is why i usually stay out of them. i also realized that i still do care about what people think about me. one of my first thoughts was, i wonder what they are gonna say once i leave. i realize that sometimes, what i do and say is not just governed by what i think is correct and such, but also what i think will go down well with other people. it affects me more when the parties involved are ones that i care about and who mean something to me. there is one particular friend, every time they say something to me, especially if i am not expecting them to either call or say something to me in a certain tone, my heart skips a beat and i am apprehensive. mainly cause i care about what they think about me and i do not want to have offended them or have done something that they thought was wrong. how pathetic is that. i really dislike that about myself. i really don't want to care........but the question is, can i stop? should i stop?

My Godson is walkin

well Opal contacted me this week to tell me that my godson, Wesley is walking now, at the age of 9 months. he is too brilliant and cute. such a smart boy and he is in such a rush to be independent.








One step.....







Two step......













Three steps and he is off.... yea walking......




so this is just a shout out to Wes to say congrats hun. well done. Auntie Ruthie is proud of you. in no time you will be able to come and visit me all the way in Aussie land. i haven't seen him since march but he does look at my pic every morning, Opal tells me. so at least he will remember me to some extent......:)

The value of Good Parenting

during my third week in paediatrics, i have been doing adolescent medicine. i have been dealing with a lot of patients with eating disorders, chronic illnesses and somatic pain. one of the main things that jumped out at me this week was how important the parent's role is in not only the recovery of their kids but in the worsening of the diseases and problems. in many situations that lack of parenting enables the kids in their problems. many of them were around 12 years old. some were school refuser's who have refused to go to school for months, even up to a year. can you imagine that? and the parents allowed it. same with the kids with anorexia. at 12 my parents would have never allowed me to refuse to go to school, or to not eat. seriously i had no choice in either matter. i was the child, they the parents, i had absolutely no option, no say in the matter. maaaaaaaan.....there is a big cultural difference with how my parents parented and what i have seen in the western world. now don't get me wrong, i understand anorexia is a disease and i treat it as such, i'm mainly talking about the role of parents in the recovery process where it is important for them to be parents and lay down the law so to speak. pretty much forcing the kids to eat. because they have not been parenting well, a lot of the work, in the recovery period is family therapy and working with the parents to get them to take on that responsibility. so many more things made an impact on me, but its too much to even really think about , much less talk about. though i do appreciate my parents a lot more this week, as i realize that they set me to win in life because of they way they parented me.

TVC shoot today

So i got a job in a TV commercial and we shot it today. it was a nice and welcomed break from medicine. i did have a bit of medicine this morning though, as i dropped off my paperwork for medical registration to the office. it was a bit of a rush as i had to get photos and photocopy identification to go along with it. but it needed to be done so, thank the lord it is done now. then i went to Vaucluse in Sydney, which is one of the hoity toity areas in Sydney. we were filming at Vaucluse House, built in 1803, and today stands as one of Sydney's museums. they transformed one of the rooms into a South African kitchen. i had to cook, or should i say pretend to cook, on a Breville electric cooker while singing waltzing matilda in Xhosa. well i lip synced it, cause you all know, i don't speak Xhsoa. the shoot went well i thought, everyone was happy, Matt the director, the clients and everyone else.

my call time was 11 am, but no one got there till after 12 , because they were coming from the other location. so i sat and waited in the Vaucluse House gardens, which are beautiful. i would have taken pics, but i thought i had enough pics of flowers. i got to see a kookaburra take a bath in the fountain though. that was cool. i was an idiot and didn't eat any breakfast before i left so i was filled with water, but not even that could stave off the hunger headache. it was a good thing that we had lunch before we started shooting. the food was great, as is always the case on these things. Neways, it was a pretty good shoot, i like the people and was told that i was beautiful and did well. so i'm not complaining about that at all.

now i still have the headache, but it will eventually go, but sadly its back to medicine tomorrow. the message from church this week was Never Give Up, so i'm gonna do my best not to give up. even thouh, i'm a bit tired and frustrated about the whole medicine thing at the moment. i'm just gonna persevere through this season, and i'll get through the other end eventually and do it well. ok, enough typing now. i'm done.....

Tired and Frustrated

first week of Paediatrics, seems like it will be ok, im just a tad tired and frustrated at the moment. i'm tired from the long days, frustrated that i still have to do it and hate being a broke student. i'm doing the best i can, and i'm still alive, but i'm just sick of just making it. and i also hate, really disliking my work at the moment....mmmmm, oh well, just a little rant there, sigh, i'll be ok.....a ray of hope though, i got a nice part in a TV commercial, so at least i'll have a little variation in my life and will get paid, eventually......

Conference week

man it is immensely surreal for conference week to be over. it went by so quickly in a haze of free stuff, lots of talks, food, alcohol and camera flashes. what was cool was being able to see people who, after yesterday i will probably never see again, who aren't really friends, barely acquaintances, but who are 'ok' people none the less. this my adopted year, is filled with interesting people, and some i will truly miss. since we have been separated for the past 2 years into our clinical schools, most of the people i am close to are from my clinical school, but it was good to catch up with others from the other clinical schools.

the activities each day were mostly useful. lots of talks from insurance people, the health union, financial planning institutions and doctors who want to influence us into choosing their field. the most helpful of these were the financial planning people cause the gist of everyone else was that, we know that you have no money now, but as of next year, you will have loads, so let me show you how to spend it or allow us to take it from you. neways, they came bearing gifts, free stuff and free lunches and alcohol, so that was ok, i could listen to them as payment....lol

our final year dinner was great fun. the food was great if you were omnivorous. if you were vegetarian, i have heard that it wasn't as great. but the food was sooooooo good for me. i love seafood, so it was right up my ally. i ate so much and was smart enough to wear a dress that allowed me to do that. it hid my big belly effectively. i was stuffed afterwards, so much so that if i pushed my belly out i could make for a convincing pregnant woman, as you can see in the pic. ... lol. loads of pictures were taken, way to much to put on here. they are on facebook though so those who are on there can have a look.

it is getting realer by the minute, that as of next year i am officially a doctor and medical school is over. freaky....

So Medical School almost over

this is just a short one, but it is hitting me that literally by the end of the year i will be a Doctor. can you believe it? my Lord, i will have responsibilities. i have already gotten my first mail addressed to Dr. Ruth-Ann Marie Sterling. when i did, i thought nothing of it, but now its hitting me. i'm getting a bit excited about it all, even though i'm not done yet. i am so thankful to the Lord for seeing me through. just this morning i was walking through the park and praying, just saying to God that though there are somethings that i could allow to worry me at this moment, i know he has always been faithful. never, never let me down, so there is a peace in leaving it in his hands. my medical school career, i tell you, has been a miracle, faith walk and if i were to even tell you half the story, not only would this post not be a short one, but you may not even believe me. neways, im kinda in this thankful mode, cause i was sent a new photography site, and the photographer is simply amazing, tuff yuh nuh, but he also sounds like a christian, or is at least spiritual and man it shows in his photos. his blog was a good read, inspirational, so i almost feel like i have a new toy. lol...... new and exciting blogs to read and keep me inspired. Neways...... his site is on my site to check out list, its the new one... take the time to look at the others as well. much love and blessings, i gone sleep now, cause i have to go to the hospital tomorrow to sort out the stack of paperwork, that is necessary for my employment. i wonder if i will enjoy being a doctor.....lololol... that my friends is another post.......

Weekend with Tash

this weekend was a really good one. on saturday, i went over to Sibon's house to participate in a black chicks chill night...lol.. ok, ok it was just a girls night and it so happened that all of us are black. this excuse for us having the night, not that we really needed one, was the arrival of Sibon's long time friend from London, Natasha. we all got along swimmingly. the attendees were Sibon, Natasha, Neva, Furo and myself. we was showered with great food prepared by Gerard (Sibon's Husband). we had garlic shrimp and rice, as well as beautiful roast pork, mashed potatoes and apple, blue cheese and rockette salad. desert, brownies, was kindly provided by yours truely. we had such a good night just chatting and chatting away. i didn't get home till almost 1 am, didn't go to sleep till almost 2 am. i was up by 6 am, cause i was singing at church that morning.

after church, i ended up chilling with Sibon and family again. we went to yum cha, and then a drive. it was cool to not have to go home and study. to not have any work to do at all. it was brilliant, such a mental relief. we stopped by the harbour and took some pics. it was so cold, but we channeled america's next top model and gave our fiercest looks.

neways that's it for now.... oh and of course Mr. Leon was as cute as ever

Final Days

so sorry that i left you all hanging like that, for weeks, but it was exam time and though exams have been over for a bit now, i really haven't felt like writing. with all the study, writing this just seemed like more work. i'll warn you from now that this blog is a vent, cause i am feeling a bit inadequate.

neways... lets start from the beginning. exams, so they roll around and i feel like i know jack shit. nada, nothing. the miracle of it all is that, the lord knew that some knowledge was up there. i studied hard, but up to the day before, i felt like i knew nothing, but i got in there and the lord brought the knowledge back. i felt that it was quite an easy exam, there wasn't anything on there that stumped me, nothing that i just had no clue about. so that was good. the next day was a free day in which i was supposed to review for OSCE (practical), that didn't really happen. no matter what i did, i just couldn't buckle down and do it. i did revise somethings, which came in quite handy in the folder sessions, when i had only 2 min to complete my last question, which just happened to be one of the first things i looked over. i was so happy i did that, cause i know that i wouldn't have been able to answer those questions quickly if i hadn't. i know i missed out things in each of the other stations, but i have to console myself with the fact that that is always gonna happen. neways..... i passed them all. in fact we all passed, so now everyone else has finished their last ever exam in med school and i still have one more rotation. can i tell you it sucks big time. there are good things about it, in terms of how prepared i will feel going into internship, but sucky in that i feel slightly left out when everyone else keeps talking about 'thanks god that that was the final exam i will ever have to do in medical school'. they are done and i'm not....... ok my gripe is over

some good times in all of this, after exams we went to have thai and then saw hairspray, which was fun and funny. on wed after the OSCE we went to the log cabin, had drinks and lunch and just chilled out, enjoying the fact that we were done, that night most of us caught up at the opera bar, down by the harbour, by the opera house. it was good fun, a nice chill night. met Jibran's brother, who is a hottie. so i had some eye candy that night, not that most of my friends aren't cute, they are, but since they are my friends and i see them most of the time, i needed some new eye candy, so don't be offended, Eric, Cameron and Jawad.

ok so that was exams.... i was gonna write about the thick packet of paperwork that my future employer sent me to sort through, plus visa issues that arise with changing over my visa to a working one, but i'm tired and this has already been a long one. so that will have to be a next time issue......

Lavender

man i wish i had a better camera, actually knew what i was doing, so i could capture what i see. the brilliance of it. i wish i had time to devote to learning this craft, to experimenting and honing my skills. i think i could be good at this. it already is one of my loves, i want it to be that and more. i love taking pics, capturing life as it happens, immortalizing it for all time. i love it, and i love when others love it too. i love the casual, the unexpected, the candid shots of people and things. i love black and whites, i love colours, i have definitely gotten into this photography thing. well, guess what, next year i will find the time and i will get my bigger and better camera. i will be good at this. and who knows, maybe i'll incorporate it more into my art work and possibly make some money from it. but mainly, i'll take joy in it.....

Floral Explorations

just trying to look at nature through my little point and shoot.

APEC Friday in the Hunter

so for the surprising public holiday given to us by the APEC summit, i decided to join my flatmates (Peta, Janine and Marco) on their wine tasting tour of the hunter valley. it was totally unplanned on my part but i am very glad that i went. i had been saying that i wanted to go to the hunter for ages now, just to see what it was all about and since we got this day off, it was the perfect time. even though everyone was leaving sydney, it wasn't crowded there. i guess that most of them were staying for the weekend, where we were just staying for the day. it wasn't as pretty was i thought it would be, i wasn't wowed, but i can imagine that it would look good when the vines have leaves on them.

it wasn't a nice sunny day, it was cloudy, rainy, with patches of blue skies, peeking out every now and then. we mainly went to little boutique wineries. it was really good, our guide for the general tour was this annoying American, who is now an Australian and prided himself on having a keen interest in aboriginal culture. he boasted about knowing how to throw a boomerang, how he was taught by the tribes people and at every juncture decided that is was his job to correct us of any and all misconceptions we might be harboring about anything, especially aboriginal culture and wines. we all just wanted him to shut up.

neways despite that the women that took us through the wine tasting and the tour of the winery were just fun and entertaining. Pat was my favourite, at iron gate winery. that was our first stop and the most beautiful. it looked very Spanish with its terracotta walls and colonial design. it was a beautiful stop and their wines were spectacular. i really sorted out the type of wines i like. anything that doesn't have too much oak, i can handle. we did learn a lot about wines which was cool. and the tour of the winery was great. it was really amazing how different the wine making process is from what it used to be, with little French or Italian women stomping the grapes. now its all machine made. very sterile, but all still made with the same passion.

we visited 3 wineries, plus a cheese and a chocolate shop. the cheeses were great, really good. the marinated feta was great. there were too many good ones to even remember them all. the chili fudge from the chocolate shop, really, really gives u a kick up the backside. really is hot, but its good. it would really clear you up if u were stuffy, it did for Peta. all in all it was a good day. brought home wine, thats always good. next time i go i will go with lots more money so i can buy more wine.