Reflections

Friends of mine experienced in one day incredible joy and tremendous sorrow. they lost their 24wk premature baby, Max Kingston. his life was way too short, just one day, but his impact was greater than some people make in a lifetime. his life showcased the strength of the local church family, the support that they offered and how blessed i am to be in a church that cares.

it was amazing to see the strength that is within his parents, who have handled this with grace, faith and warrior spirits. it's a testimony to their relationship with Jesus and with each other. i just pray that if i should ever have to experience such tragedy, that i would have the strength of character to respond in the way they did. they make me want to be a better person, to have a greater relationship with God and to love more deeply. the support and love i saw in them for each other was simply beautiful.

the memorial service was amazing and such a celebration of Max's life. though there was sadness that he was no longer with us, there was also joy that he was with the Father. the true character of a person is always revealed in the trials of life and through this i caught a glimpse of a facet of myself.

i saw that i have the capacity to care deeply but also to shut that caring off completely, or as close as you can get to completely. for the 1st 2-3 days i didn't cry, i felt sad and disappointed but i basically reacted as if my friend was a patient. i was empathetic, expressed my condolences, but i was not letting myself feel the pain of the situation. however at the funeral, it all came crashing down and my friend Emma helped me to realize what was going on. she told me that this was one time that i was allowed to feel this loss completely. this wasn't work and my only job was to support my friends and grieve with them. i also realized that i was crying not just for Max but for the other children and parents who i have come into contact with over the past months. those like the African lady, who with wrenching sobs grieved for her stillborn baby boy. i couldn't cry at the time, but i did on Mon. so i guess i don't really shut it off, i just push it aside until there comes a time when i can deal with it. i'll just have to make sure that i do deal with it, so that i don't become a hardened physician. ...