This Sucks

today has not started out as a great day. plans have fallen through, plans that i have been looking f0rward to for weeks. a situation which could really have been avoided, and my hopes not dashed. under other circumstances this would not even have caused me to bat an eyelid, but this failure of plans comes on the back of a very isolating week, where i was working in emergency. apart from seeing sick people and colleagues, i have seen no friends. don't get me wrong, some of my colleagues are my friends, but in a work setting, it doesn't count. i have seen no friends outside and the reality is that i only have 2 days off before i head into 7 night shifts, which is an even more isolating week than this one. i am lonely. i feel like i have no friends and i feel like i make so much effort, to rearrange things and use my precious day off to be prepared to travel to go and see people and they forget that they have all this stuff to do therefore can't meet up. seriously.... i cancel training sessions so that i can have this time and its like, where is the effort on your part. of course i'm all understanding and i know that people have family responsibilities etc, but in one sense i feel like here in Australia, where i have no immediate family, my friends are my family and right now i feel like i have none. no one to talk to anymore when i get off late, cause that set of friends have gone back to the states. no one to hang out with cause everyone, including me is too busy. .... ahhhh bway, this sucks.

as i said, the situation is probably not that bad, but just feels that way right now cause i am disappointed, isolated, lonely and most of my friends are away. sometimes there is only so much that i can do by myself. last weekend wasn't like this. it was warm outside, not cold like it is now and i went to the beach.... last weekend was great.... i'll share that with you in the next post.... but right this minute i'm pissed and sad.... i think i'll call my friends in the states, i know i have them there, then i'm gonna get a pedicure. i gotta do something to cheer me up. i'll write about the great weekend when i get back. the pick at the top is of one of the scultures by the sea, part of the great weekend. this one kind of represents my mood....