Friday, November 2, 2007
Good to Bad
mmmmm, so today wasn't a bad day until i got into a discussion that began as a simple question and escalated to a discussion, a debate and almost an argument. the other party put a stop to it, mainly cause they thought they couldn't win and they were getting annoyed and upset with me, but it was definitely that both of us wasn't listening to each other. it left a bad taste and feeling. they felt they were arguing and i felt that it was getting heated but not arguing yet. i started to feel bad cause i knew that they were feeling upset and i realized something about myself again. i hate arguments and discussions. this is why i usually stay out of them. i also realized that i still do care about what people think about me. one of my first thoughts was, i wonder what they are gonna say once i leave. i realize that sometimes, what i do and say is not just governed by what i think is correct and such, but also what i think will go down well with other people. it affects me more when the parties involved are ones that i care about and who mean something to me. there is one particular friend, every time they say something to me, especially if i am not expecting them to either call or say something to me in a certain tone, my heart skips a beat and i am apprehensive. mainly cause i care about what they think about me and i do not want to have offended them or have done something that they thought was wrong. how pathetic is that. i really dislike that about myself. i really don't want to care........but the question is, can i stop? should i stop?
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4 comments:
Hmmm.... difficult question. It is important to be independent and thick-skinned against coercive beingd, but I also think one of the best things about friends is that you do care about what they think, because you've both found some common ground and can identify with each other.
If, however, you find that a friend is suppressing elements you like about yourself, perhaps you shuld talk to the friend about it or perhaps even consider whether being friends is the right thing to do?
what has always made u different from most of us is that u do care. when u stop caring then u become unaffected and I am a perfect example of how deadly that is. If u dont care how people are affected by ur words, tone and pitch then bwoy what will come out of ur mouth. There are proper ways to say bad things that makes things a lot easier to patch up or make new. But when u fail to do so ans say things freely without care - you hurt urself and the other person and the message get lost in the pain. The person uve said it to wont care that u were just speaking the truth or expressing ur opinion, but they will remember ur words and how they felt. Call it personal experience.
I always admired ur tact and decorum. I never thought of ur caring as a weakness but as a strength. Its a quality I never seemed to have learnt. So dont change the caring... just dont care so much that u dont say anything at all.
N
I agree with NJ 100%. You also have a strong personality, and when you are convicted of something you definitely would like it to be heard. You and I have been there but not to the extent expressed in your blog. One thing I have learned to do is no matter how convicted I am on specific matters, I let people talk as I really don't have the energy for heated debates and any animosity.
Don't ever stop caring. Thats a part of why you are so loved by many. And remember, friends will always have disagreements. We all have different views, but respect for each others opinion is of vital importance
It's a good thing that you care how what you say, whether good or bad, affects who you are saying to. It shows that you are a person with heart and that hurting other people is not your goal.
However it is also important that you express yourself and not let what the other person may think about you affect what you have to say.
The key I think is HOW you express yourself and it is important to make it clear that what you have to say is about your opinions and that it remains true to who you are.
You will never please everybody Ruthie and there are folks that as long as you don't agree with them will always think negatively about what you have to say.
C
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