Its my B-day : Part I

so today i am 1 year older. the day so far has been good and bad, or should i say, ok. at the present time i'm feeling a bit depressed. the morning was great as i got to talk to folks at home and they were wishing me the best but the day has gone down hill from there as i found myself with more time on my hands. normally i love having extra time. i don't mind my own company but today is a day when i really want people around and there is no one to hang with me. people are busy or tired, some people can't make it to dinner tonight so i kind of feel like everyone is bailing on me. i guess it is hitting me harder than normal cause it is my birthday and i am away from home. in one sense Australia is home to me, yet in many ways it isn't. especially at this time. i miss my mom and dad. there is just something about having them with me on my b-day. knowing that my mom will bake my cake, which i have had to do for myself the past few years. even though we might not do anything special on the day, just having them makes a difference. i miss my brothers and sister, my niece and my friends, most of whom i have spoken to today already. here i have friends, but the culture and the nature of our lives are just so different. we are all so busy and usually i am too busy to be bothered by loneliness. but i do get lonely here. it is at these times, when i find myself with time on my hands, that i really wish i was in a relationship. just to have someone here with me, who would really share this day with me. man it feels like a pipe dream. i am so lonely, not alone, but lonely at this time.

now that i have written all of this down, i have gotten it out of my system, so i feel a bit better. still a little down but we'll see if my day picks up from here. i am having dinner with a bunch of friends to look forward to, even though i sense that not many people will show ( as some people have gotten sick, which i understand), those that do get to make is their presence will be much appreciated. my flatmates are great and have cooked a feast. i am alive for another year. i am almost finished with school, so i will be a doctor within this year, scary thought, but true. no relationship on the horizon but that by the grace of god will come. i do have the lord so all my need are and will be met...:) i'll come back and tell you whether my day picked up......